Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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