im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
