im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
