Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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