I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
