My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
