I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
