her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
