It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
