...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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