I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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