then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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