i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Your dad touched me again.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
