Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
