If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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