I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
