I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
