I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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