1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
