OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
