ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
