just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
