Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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