I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
