The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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