I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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