Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
