I think I am morally bankrupt
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
