I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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