i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
