I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
