Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
