Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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