Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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