Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
