So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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