Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
