i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
