he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
