i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
