you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
