wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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