If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
