god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
look no pants
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
