Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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