Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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