Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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