9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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