I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
