this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
