We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
