I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
