i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
