just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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