You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize