My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
