just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
