I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
