I wish I could punch you in the face.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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