You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I am morally bankrupt
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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